Thinking

 

Has anyone ever wondered where their headed in life? What the meaning of life is? I'm wondering that now. Life is getting harder and harder to live in. I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for my friends. After my last boyfriend left me I have been a mess. I have to take pills cause I'm bipolar. If I go back into depression again I get more pills and have to get more blood work taken. I hate needles but I love blood. It’s a win lose situation.

 

My parents broke my door down because I was sitting in front of it telling them I would rather die than go with them to another stupid little kid thing. They say I'm the spoiled one when it’s the boys not me. They get whatever they want so my parents don't have to listen to them whine. When I cry myself to sleep they don't give a rat’s ass about it. My dad says everything is fine at home when it’s not. After a years of me changing moods he finally got me help. Took him long enough. My dad also don't talk to me unless I'm grounded and in trouble. It’s my step mom who yells at me and grounds me from stuff. She’s right now taking my bean bag chair my grandma got me to the good will because put it in front of my door and she couldn't get in. I could open the door no problem. My step mom is fat and a bitch. Think of how big an elephant is, that’s my step mom, not over exaggerating. She couldn't move me from the door and all my dad did who kick it down.

 

I write to keep my mind from going and going. My parents yell at me when I’m unhappy cause they don’t like it. Well guess what it don’t change my mood and my mind every fucking time you yell at me. What are parents thinking now days. I can't stand being in a house where imp only wanted for chorus and watching the boys. I need my friends right now. I would put everything that’s happening to me on here but if my parents read this ever they would ground me longer then I already am.

 

None of my friends can come over this entire month because I didn't mow. I cant tune out my thoughts when I mow and then I get pissed. It pisses my dad off cause I stop mowing cause imp pissed. I don’t know how to get through this if every day I get yelled at. They want me to be a perfect little angel when I can’t always be what they want me to be.

-Cassie

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